Where do broken hearts go?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010 @ 1:06 AM
At first, everything is smooth-sailing. You go along so well together. Nothing can ruin your day when you are with each other. You can't stop smiling. You can't sleep. You want to sing. You want to dance. You want to jump up and down. You want to shout. Oooh, you're so happy and giddy that you feel like your heart will burst any minute. You tell your best friends that you've finally found the one, your perfect match. They agree and say that you two are like a match made in heaven, so you start fantasizing about your future together --the wedding, the honeymoon, the white picket fences, the Sunday lunch, and the kids.
And then, BOOM! You found out he or she is cheating on you. Or he or she has to go abroad with his or her family for good. Or he is too much of a mama's boy. Or she is too high maintenance. Or you're really just not meant for each other all along.
People handle break-ups differently. Some would choose to go out and party with friends right after. Some would call their friends and ask them to help him or her to understand what and why it happened over and over again. Some would just keep silent. Some would just keep silent and pretend that he or she did not lose anything. Some would call their ex (not the one they just broke up with), or a previous suitor, or fling, and date him or her, and then upload a photo of their date on facebook to let everyone know that he or she still has it. Some would pathetically try to patch things up even if the other party has already said no. Some would hibernate from the rest of the world for a while. Some would be violent. Some would threaten to die.
They'd say, "I can't live without him!" "Life is meaningless without her!" "I'd rather die than continue living without him!" They won't eat. They'll refuse to go out of their rooms. They'll try to pop pills or take hold of razors.
I say stop it! A break-up is painful, heart-wrenching, mind-blowing, and what have you's but it's not and should not be the end of the world. Maybe a person did give up on you, but it does not mean that you should give up on everyone. One should learn to deal with it and move on with life. I know it's hard, and it definitely won't happen overnight, but it will happen in time as long as you try moving on.
So, I thought of sharing some based-from-experience tips for heartbroken people to somehow help them move on after a break-up.
1. Release your pain. Cry, if you must. Go inside your room or call your closest friends and cry if you feel like crying. If crying is not your thing, write how you feel, or talk with someone, or shout invectives on top of your lungs, or punch your pillows, or throw stones at the sea. Don't hold back your pain. However, you must remember that releasing your pain and dwelling on it are two different things. Release it, but don't dwell on it. ;)
2. Stash away everything that your ex has given you. Get a box and put all your memorabilia in there. Put all your pictures, letters, gifts that you received from him or her, and others. Seal it, hide it, and promise to never look at them while you're still not over your ex. This way, you won't be reminded of your good and bad memories together. Trust me, both will just be painful to remember, so remove them from your sight. You might say, why don't you just destroy them? If you already can, then go ahead! ;)
3. Avoid listening to love songs and watching romantic movies (especially those that you've watched together). During this vulnerable period, you'll just think that every love song applies to your situation. Every movie line connects with how you feel. They will just make you feel alone and lonely, and that won't be helpful for you. Instead of love songs, listen to fun ones. I recommend those that make you dance. Dancing can help one to release stress and bad vibes. It can also help you become fit! ;) Watch comic, action, or intellectually-stimulating movies with your friends. I bet they miss the fun of watching movies with you too! :)
4. Stay out of places that you always go to with your ex. Discover other places. Eat at other restaurants. If you don't have a choice but to eat at a restaurant that you and your ex dined in before, order a different dish, not the ones that you usually order there. Shop at other malls, stroll at other parks. This way, you get to discover new places and not run the risk of bumping into her or him. If he always takes you home by cab, learn to use a different mode of transportation. Use the MRT, ride a bus, or find a buddy who also lives in your area that you can chat with on your way home. :)
5. Don't stalk your ex. Remove the person from your facebook, twitter, msn, ym, mailing list, and others. Stop finding out what he or she is saying about you. Don't beg your friends to tell you his or her status messages. You might just misinterpret them and end up making a fool of yourself. If he or she still loves you and want to patch things up, he or she will tell you directly and personally. :)
6. Delete his or her number from your phone. You never know, you might get drunk and give him or her a drunk call. Usually when people are drunk, they have lesser inhibitions and find it hard to control themselves. You might say something that you'll regret the next day. Always, prevention is better than cure! ;)
7. Re-discover yourself! Get a new hairstyle! Buy new outfits. Head to the spa. Enroll in a gym. Learn a new hobby. Play a sport. Speak a foreign tongue. Make yourself more attractive, fun, and interesting! ;)
8. Travel. If you're a beach bum, go to a resort that you've never been before. If you're the adventurous type, join a climbing adventure. If you dig volunteerism, participate in outreach and missionary programs. If you're financially well-off, go abroad. Explore a foreign country, learn about a different culture. Relax. Meditate. Have fun. Talk with Mother Nature. Create new experiences and memories without your ex. :)
9. Surround yourself with genuine love. Spend more time with your family. It's the perfect time to catch up with them. I bet that since you got in a relationship, you've been spending less time with your family. Go on a vacation with them. Prepare Sunday meals for them. Watch movies in your living room with them. They'll just be oh so glad to spend time with you as well. Call your best friends too. Plan some sleepovers or boys night out. I bet that there are those whom you didn't get to see much because your ex didn't approve or is jealous of them. Now, you can! HAHAHA. :P
10. Pray. Talk to God. He loves us, and He always will. Ask for His guidance, wisdom, and strength. Ask Him to guide you into understanding what happened to your relationship. Ask Him to shower you with His wisdom for you to accept what happened. Ask Him to bless you with the strength to continue in believing in the magic of love just as He continues to love us despite our sins. :)
These things worked for me, but I don't claim that they are foolproof. If you must know, I just got out of a very painful relationship last July. :( :) I loved the person so much, but he chose to leave me. I wanted to die during that time, but my support group knew better to allow me to commit that fatal mistake. Moving on is terribly hard to do at first, but it can be done! I admit that my heart hasn't been completely healed yet, but I know that it will be someday as long as I keep moving on and continue to have the patience to give time, time. :)
*I dedicate this article to two people. First, to a close friend of mine, Spongebob fanatic. Two, to the person who broke my heart last July but who also in a way helped me discover my inner strength, CC.
Labels: a doodle of a not-so-heartbroken-anymore lady
